Limericks

EL PASO
There once was a man from El Paso,
Who five times a day would eat tacos.
Served with queso, of course,
And all drenched in hot sauce,
You could hear his diarrhea in Los Cabos.

NANTUCKET
There once was a girl from Nantucket,
Whose vagina resembled a bucket.
Her kegels did nothing
To lessen the cussing
Of men who attempted to fuck it.

PLANO:
There once was a young man from Plano,
Who drank seven gallons of Drano.
Amid crying and scowls,
It sure cleaned out his bowels,
But the aftereffects were no bueno.

BELIZE:
There once was a man from Belize,
Who walked around wreaking of cheese.
His feet whiffed of Cheddar,
His breath smelled of Feta,
And Gouda came out when he sneezed.

RICK:
There once was a young man called Rick,
Who was born with a fourteen-inch dick.
Though it sounds like a blessing,
He would find while undressing,
That his dates would all disappear quick.

SHANE:
There once was a young man called Shane,
With a fondness for bondage and pain.
When he forgot his safe word,
His shrill screams could be heard
Inside both Minnesota and Maine.

RUSSELL:
There once was a young man called Russell,
With curly blonde hair you could tussle.
But though he liked it played with,
Most girls were dismayed with
His smaller than average love-muscle.

JIM:
There once was a young man called Jim,
Who couldn’t tell when he was “in”.
The girls rolled their eyes
When he shot on their thighs,
And they labeled him “handsome but dim”.

HADES:
There once was a young man called Hades,
Who had very bad luck with the ladies.
His dates all went south
When he frothed at the mouth,
Which was often because he had rabies.

ANNIE:
There once was a stewardess called Annie,
Who one day fell flat on her fanny.
Her hole puckered up,
And she couldn’t get up,
As the suction held her to the galley.

LAURA:
There once was a woman called Laura,
Who boasted a beautiful aura.
In truth, this misnomer
Was foul body odor,
And people would run when they saw her.

CARLEY:
There once was a woman called Carly,
Whose teeth were incredibly gnarly.
Unemployed though, she’d yield
And be placed in a field,
To help frighten the birds off the barley.

MARY:
There once was a woman called Mary,
Whose facial hair proved to be scary.
Guests at socials and mixers
Claimed they’d just met Wolf Blitzer,
Only older and slightly more hairy.

JANET:
There once was a woman called Janet,
The brawniest girl on the planet.
With abs like half lemons,
And fun-bags like melons,
And glutes that were harder than granite.

VICKY:
There once was a woman called Vicky,
Whose girly bits always were sticky.
They were damp and quite sunless,
So all kinds of fungus
Made oral sex really quite icky.